I’m sick of reading these headlines.

“17 students dead in school shooting.”

“12 dead in club shooting.”

“58 people killed in mass shooting at concert.”

I’m tired of seeing how many lives are being taken because of senseless violence. I’m tired of writing about repeated gun violence. I’m tired of having to think about gun violence over and over again. People keep speaking out against gun violence; victims, students and journalists call for action, yet nothing has happened except more and more mass shootings.

It leaves me feeling helpless as I walk into school wondering if I might leave. That may  sound ridiculously dramatic, but is it really? I mean, Maize High has had two shooting threats in the past year. Maize South went into lockdown last year due to a believed imminent threat. Sure, none of the threats became action, but the incidents become more normal with every occurrence. It’s weird how normal going to school in the middle of a threat felt. It felt like a casual event where no one was really shocked. It was more of an “Are you serious?” kind of thing.

A few weeks ago, I was talking with my sister about the recent threat and I then realized how often these things happen, how normalized and almost joked about they are. My sister said that in middle school during lockdown drills, they will play sticks, jokingly saying “Loser has to go to the hallway.” In recent events, there has been a student left out in the hallway, a transgender student, after staff decided the student did not belong in either gender-assigned lockdown shelter. Even though it was just a drill, whether or not you may support transgender people, think about how scared you would be if you were left out in the hallway to fend for yourself. Imagine if rooms were divided by blonde hair or brunette hair, but you have red hair, and you were left in the hallway because of your hair color.

In a way, we are all left to fend for ourselves in the hallway. Despite the many casualties taking place in schools due to gun violence, no one seems to care enough to do something. It feels like my life is unimportant and that sticking to a political agenda holds precedence over my ability to not be scared for my life during choir. The politically left and right wings are in the middle of a war, and students are left in the crossfire.

Going to school and getting an education has become a risk. But even if every high schooler in America calls for action, it’s unlikely anything will be done. So why am I wasting my breath? Why do we keep calling for something to happen when it’s unlikely to even happen at Maize High? Even if all these threats have been a joke or fake, saying “It will never happen here,” is like playing a dangerous game. The truth is that it has happened in an elementary school, high schools, concerts, movie theatres, and clubs. It can happen here and until everyone, no matter your political stance, starts taking this seriously and does something about it, I will be here patiently waiting for my voice to be heard.